Have you ever found yourself in a situation of being afraid of showing authority to your team? Do you calculate your words and tone so you don’t end up in a conflict with someone? Or, do you choose to stay silent because you’re not sure how to handle the direct conversation with your team?
You can still say what you really mean while actually respecting other people’s feelings and needs. One thing doesn’t exclude the other. Open dialogue within your team is a must if you want to keep your business going.
When I managed a 15-member team, I quickly learned that how I communicated made all the difference. I had to set expectations, provide feedback, and address challenges without creating tension – or worse, letting things slide. That’s where assertive communication became a necessary tool in my leadership journey.
Getting my point across without shutting others down, or blaming them, while doing it calmly, changed a lot. But this wasn’t always easy, and I know many leaders struggle to find that balance.
That’s why I want to share what I’ve learned to help you lead with clarity and build trust within your team. Let’s get started!
What Is Assertive Communication?
At its core, assertive communication is about saying what you mean without being mean, sleezy or aggressive. You express your needs, thoughts, or boundaries directly but with respect for the other person. It’s that sweet spot between being too passive (where you hold back) and too aggressive (where you put others down).
Basically, you say what you mean while leaving room for others to do the same.
The assertive response is calm, clear, and solution-focused. It acknowledges the situation without shaming anyone.
Practicing this isn’t just about getting your message across – it’s about showing others that you value both their perspective and your own boundaries.
But, unfortunately, it’s very easy to slip into a different communication style in just a moment. So, let’s dive even deeper into this matter.
Assertive vs Aggressive vs Passive Aggressive Communication
Being assertive allows you to be clear and constructive without causing unnecessary tension.
What really got me personally to understand assertive communication better is this thought:
Open and direct communication is not about conflict.
It is not about fighting or making a drama. If you find yourself being afraid of getting into a fight, remember this: you can share your thoughts respectfully without fueling conflict.
Important note: Please, keep in mind that the conflict I refer to here is the non-constructive one; the one we get into only to argue without any wish to see and/or hear the perspectives of others. In general, conflicts can be quite constructive if we get into them with a desire to resolve things. But more on that some other time.
To be assertive is to communicate confidently and constructively. Unlike aggressive communication, which undermines others, or passive-aggressive tendencies that avoid direct dialogue, assertive leaders speak openly and directly.
For example, instead of blaming someone for missing a deadline (which would be aggressive communication or even worse passive-aggressive if you do it indirectly), an assertive leader says, “I value your contribution, but we need to meet our deadlines. How can we improve this?”
See? Simple, smooth, respectful. Although the deadline was missed, you still respect their effort and their work. You still respect your team members no matter what. But you communicate the issue along the way as well!
Like I said, it may not be easy, but it does get better with practice.
What’s the Goal?
When I got myself into a situation of giving feedback to my team members, or needed to point out some issues, I tried to remember my goal at that point. I always asked myself: “What’s the goal?” –Solving the issue. Not making things worse or putting anyone down. I wanted things to improve, not to criticize, blame, or make anyone feel small.
When you get these things in mind, you start seeing the bigger picture. You work on finding the right words to communicate what’s needed in the best way possible, always keeping the final purpose of the dialogue in mind.
What Role Does Communication Play in Building Trust?
If I’ve learned one thing on my leadership journey, it’s this: Clear communication builds trust.
When you’re assertive, people know what to expect from you, and that predictability creates safety.
Your team will trust you because they know you’ll be honest, but also fair. If you shy away from tough conversations or lash out in frustration, trust can blow up quickly.
Being assertive also encourages open dialogue – when your team feels heard and understood, they’re more willing to share ideas, ask for help, or admit mistakes. That’s where the magic happens – trust becomes the foundation for growth.
Once you build that foundation with your team, everything starts to feel simple, easy and transparent.
How to Communicate Assertively as a Leader?
Here are some practical tips I’ve found helpful along the way:
Use “I” Statements
These keep things focused on how you feel, rather than placing blame. Say, “I feel concerned when deadlines are missed,” rather than, “You’re always late.”
Listen to Understand, Not Just Respond
Every time I slowed down and gave my team space to share, I saw how it deepened trust. Active listening shows you value their opinions.
Stay Calm, Even When Things Get Tough
I’ve had moments where things got heated, and let me tell you – taking a breath before responding works wonders. A calm tone keeps the conversation productive. This one is probably by far the hardest one to achieve. At least, it was a big challenge for me. We’re humans, there’s only so much control we can have at certain moments and we all have our triggers.
An extra tip here: continue to learn about yourself: your triggers, pain points, unresolved issues. The more you know about yourself, the easier it’ll be to adjust your reactions when needed.
Set Clear Boundaries
If you need something from your team, don’t hint at it – say it clearly. Your team isn’t a mind-reader, and being upfront makes things easier for everyone. You also avoid misunderstandings that can result as even bigger frustration or reflect on work, and you don’t want that!
Overcommunication is much better than not sharing enough. If you’re not sure they know, say it anyway.
Invite Feedback
Assertive communication isn’t one-sided. Ask for feedback and show that you’re open to it. Ask your team: “How do you think we can handle this better next time?” or “What can I do next time to make this process easier for you?”
Start Small and Build Confidence
Assertive communication has been a game-changer for me, both as a manager and a coach. It’s not just about getting things done – it’s about building trust and building an environment where people feel comfortable bringing their best but also all their uncertainties as well.
If assertiveness feels challenging at first, that’s okay! Start small, stay consistent, and watch how your team responds.
Please, remember that as a leader, you’re always being observed. Not in a creepy way, but people do look up to you and expect you to guide them. Your words are powerful, they have some weight, probably more than others’, so use them.
Believe in yourself and trust that you’ve got what it takes to be the kind of leader your team trusts and respects. Keep practicing, and you’ll see how your communication transforms not only your leadership but also your relationships.
That being said, what’s one conversation you can approach differently today?